seasons come and seasons go

Wow, I'm tired. The kind of tired where your head buzzes, you feel high as hell and you don't want to go to sleep. It's Sunday morning and I just completed my workday about an hour ago. I have a new job and this where I work.

Yes, that is a bed in the background. My bed. Well,, the guest room bed, to be specific. That's where I sleep when I need to get up in the morning at 5 am and don't want to wake my husband. After a quick shower and makeup application (! me !) I sit down at my laptop with my good buddy Loopy there, put my headphones on and start smiling.

We have a winner!

I had a giveaway post a few weeks ago, on my first post to my blog. I asked people to post what is their one word for the year. Some people had trouble posting to the blog itself, so they posted on Facebook instead. I put everyone's name in a jar and pulled out HARRIET STINSON. So, Harriet, send your address to my email at sandi.james50@gmail.com and I will get your package in the mail to you right away! Thanks to everyone who participated!

Complete.

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             so.....here is the word that I have chosen (or the one that chose me) for this year!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have a tendency to procrastinate! The word COMPLETE seemed appropriate to apply to the many unfinished projects (UFOs) and works in progress (WIPs) that have been hanging out in the corners of my craft room and sewing studio. I have been diligently working on some quilt projects that I'm looking forward to completing this year, and I am keeping to my schedule pretty well so far. I've also set the goal to put together the genealogy project that I started a few years ago.

On another level, we purchased and moved into a new home exactly one year ago this month. And as much as I hate to admit it, my plans for getting the house in order and decorated fell by the wayside just a few months after the move. In July of 2015 after spending several weeks in bed wondering why I was so exhausted, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia by a pretty intelligent neurologist in Savannah who began treating me for sleep apnea.  Dr Rosenfeld has made a link between individuals with fibromyalgia and disordered sleep patterns and while it took a few months of adjusting to a mandibular advancement appliance, I have seen a lot of improvement in my energy levels. I'm now ready to continue tackling the final boxes that (yes I admit) have not been unpacked after 12 months, so that is another area I've got scheduled for completion!

Then on a much deeper level, I am finally at a place in my life where I am ready to lay some pretty heavy things to rest. I guess part of me has been unsettled since the divorce from the man that I had my two children with (I hesitate to use the word "father" to describe him). There were many layers of that relationship, spanning over a decade...religion, stepchildren, adjusting from being in the military to being the wife of a police officer, a huge culture shock when we moved to Statesboro from San Antonio, infidelities on both sides, church disciplinary courts, legal appearances, parental alienation, child support issues (yes, I paid child support!) excommunication....,many things I am not proud of. There was a lot of shame that came with being a mother who had shared,  but not physical, custody of her children, a lot of hard work on forgiveness of the people involved, including his family of origin who supported his secrecy and lies, and mostly, forgiveness of myself for failing to be a faithful and true wife and mother. When I stop and look back at the years following that divorce, I realize how much I had to fight for everything I had, especially to maintain a relationship with both of my children that did not include any negativity toward Terry. For some reason and I am sure it is by the grace of God, over the last few months I have come to the realization that I have finally found forgiveness, yet it is balanced with a desire for justice and truth, and 2016 is the year that I complete that journey.

COMPLETE. The last aspect of this loaded word is the completeness I feel within myself. Understanding that we never really stop growing and changing, there is also a time of rest, a respite from constantly "working on" one's self, when we begin looking outward for ways to apply those changes and that growth, to help make the world a better place. And for me, it's that time. I feel complete.

I am truly grateful for my parents and my relationships with the members of my family, for my friends that set wonderful examples for me, and for my husband who has provided me with love, with a steady, solid life and a beautiful home. And for my children. In my darkest days it was only because of their existence on this earth that I did not ever make the choice to leave it.

and now, this post is complete!! Leave me a comment about what the word "complete" means to you, and what you are planning on finishing up this year!

My one little word with a BIG impact for 2016.

Each year since I heard of Ali Edwards and her one little word challenge,  I've chosen an appropriate word as my focus for that year. For example the year my husband and I married and combined households, my word was "nest". I would choose the word, make a scrapbook page around it, and basically file it away till the end of the year, where it stayed in the background of my mind. Here are some of those layouts from previous years.







This year, I decided to do something different. I'm a procrastinator, which I now realize stems from a fear of not being perfect, and I am also not a finisher. I have many projects in various stages of progress, which leads to a lot of physical and mental clutter. So, this year, I simply wrote my word down on a dry erase board and leaned it against the wall at the end of my upstairs hallway near my sewing studio, where I see it every day. Now, we are not even a quarter of the,way into the year and this word has impacted my life each and every day with so much positive effect it's nothing short of amazing. What's my word? More on that in my next post. Till then, what one word can you choose that will make 2016 your year to shine? It's never too late to start. Leave a comment below telling about your experiences with One Little Word, if you have worked with one before, or with the word you have chosen for 2016, and I'll choose a random winner for a box of awesome craft supplies to help you illustrate your word of the year!